Having reliable information about Parental Alienation Syndrome and making it available to others is a critical part of dealing with this extremely destructive form of child abuse.
Q: WHAT IS THE “PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROME” (P.A.S.)?
A: Most simply put, the Parental Alienation Syndrome (P.A.S.) involves a deliberate attempt by one parent to destroy the relationship and bond his or her children have with their other parent – AND – it also involves the children’s active and self-created participation or collaboration in the process of alienation. The P.A.S. is a phenomenon that occurs almost exclusively within the context of divorce.
Q: CAN THE TERM “P.A.S.” BE USED TO DESCRIBE SITUATIONS WHERE ONE PARENT “BAD-MOUTHS” THE OTHER PARENT OR BLOCKS ACCESS?
A: No – not unless these behaviors are part of a larger scheme of programming. P.A.S. goes well beyond “bad-mouthing” the other parent, blocking access and other attempts at brainwashing children. P.A.S. involves a systematic process of denigration and malignment of the other parent (i.e., the targeted parent) and often extends to friends and relatives of that parent. Most importantly, it involves the children’s participation and at times, their collaboration in the alienating process. When the behaviors are just limited to ‘bad-mouthing” or access blocking and the children are not involved in the process, this is termed as “alienating” behaviors or tactics.
Q: CAN TODDLERS OR YOUNG CHILDREN (I.E., THOSE LESS THAN NONE YEARS OLD) BE PART OF THE P.A.S.?
A: Because an essential dimension of the P.A.S. requires the active involvement of children in the campaign of denigration against the targeted parent, it follows that for this to successfully occur, a child must have a certain level of maturity. In other words, for a child to be able to go along with the process of alienation, a child must have the ability to retain considerable information and follow a series of actions in a logical sequence. These are necessary in order to be able to effectively cooperate with the alienating parent. Of course, this is not to say that an alienating parent has no influence on a young child. It just means that the ‘independent thinker” phenomenon and the ability to tell lies and continue fabricating stories that are all part of the P.A.S. are not easily mastered by a very young child,
Q: WHAT WOULD MOTIVATE A PARENT TO ALIENATE HIS OR HER CHILDREN FROM THEIR OTHER PARENT?
A: There are several possible motivators associated with the induction of the P.A.S. in children. The two most common ones are: 1) extreme resentment of and anger toward the targeted parent and 2) fear of losing one’s children. Money may also factor into the development of the P.A.S. as children are often used as leverage for a financial settlement. Regardless of what underlies the development of the P.A.S., the alienating parent is often described as relentless and unyielding in his or her efforts to malign the targeted parent. More importantly, the alienating parent appears to be completely oblivious to the harm the P.A.S. is causing his or her children. In fact, many alienating parents strongly defend their actions by maintaining that they are protecting their children from the targeted parent.
Q: WHAT IS THE BEST APPROACH TO USE IF THE P.A.S. IS SUSPECTED?
A: There is no one approach to use in dealing with the P.A.S. simply because each case is different and needs to be assessed individually. Nevertheless, the one thing that all cases of the P.A.S. have in common is – P.A.S. WON’T GO AWAY ON ITS OWN! In other words, thinking that the alienating parent will relent is a big mistake. An alienating parent will only back off when he or she feels satisfied that the children have been successfully alienated from the targeted parent. While success in difficult P.A.S. cases can never be guaranteed, waiting for things to get better in these cases is something that will not likely happen. If you suspect that the P.A.S. may be influencing your children’s behavior and attitude toward you, then seek out a professional who is knowledgeable about the P.A.S. Just like with medical conditions, early intervention is the best predictor of a positive outcome.
Q: WHAT CAN A PARENT DO TO FIGHT THE P.A.S.?
A: As stated above, if you suspect the P.A.S., get on it right away. Begin by educating yourself. There are lots of good resources online – so start there. You should also consider downloading the free mini-ebook, “The Divorce & Custody Resource Handbook”. These and other resources should provide you with ample background information to help you assess if the P.A.S. applies to you. They will also guide you in getting assistance from P.A.S. knowledgeable professionals. Keep in mind that you need to work closely with your attorney in formulating your strategy. Finally, and most importantly, stay in touch with your children. Do not give up on them. They need you now more than ever – even if they don’t show it. Consider seeking assistance from a divorce consultant or parenting coach who can guide you in coping with the challenges of the P.A.S. Remember, that as painful as the P.A.S. is for you, it is also painful for your children who have to experience it. It is not normal for children to turn on a parent without cause. Children affected by the P.A.S. suffer tremendously.
Q: WHY IS THERE SO MUCH CONTROVERSY AROUND ACCEPTING THE P.A.S. AS A VALID PHENOMENON?
A: To properly understand the controversy surrounding the P.A.S. and its acceptance in court as a valid phenomenon, it is also important to understand the history of its development. The P.A.S. is a relatively new phenomenon that first became recognized in the mid-1970s and was not written about until almost 10 years later. The emergence of the P.A.S. not surprisingly coincided with the change in divorce laws. These new laws recognized joint custody as s legal parenting option the following divorce. They also acknowledged both parents’ responsibility in providing financially for the care of their children. These changes to the divorce laws upset the status quo which until that point saw mothers as almost always being awarded sole custody of their children and receiving child support from the fathers.
The court’s recognition of fathers as “legal parents” suddenly posed a threat to mothers. And it is for this reason that when the P.A.S. was first identified, it was primarily mothers who were reported as being the alienators. Today, P.A.S. alienators appear to be equally shared by mothers and fathers. Currently, there is often a strong financial motivation to have children in one parent’s exclusive care. Moreover, it is more common today for mothers and fathers to share in their children’s upbringing making conflict around custody and access more likely in some situations – particularly those where dissension exists in the parents’ relationship.
Given the P.A.S.’s short existence in the psychological, psychiatric, and legal literature, it has yet to be completely embraced by these disciplines. One of the major criticisms of the P.A.S. is that it is not yet listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders (DSM-IV). While inclusion in the DSM is viewed as the standard for acceptance, there is always a time lag between when a phenomenon is first identified and when it is finally accepted by respective disciplines. It is understandable that including any phenomenon in the DSM or medical texts requires a certain level of scrutiny and rigor to ensure its validity. The P.A.S. just like conditions such as A.I.D.S., attention deficit disorder or chronic fatigue syndrome will also experience the required time lag without diminishing its existence.
Taking into account these factors, it is easy to understand why the P.A.S. has generated such controversy. Nevertheless, as time goes on, the P.A.S. is gaining increasing acceptance in courts lending support to its existence and validity.